I do not know what to say. I am just having a strong sense of uncertainty. What on earth is happening in my life now? Everything seems so blur and confusing and everything is in a mess. Is it because of the methods that I manage my life?

I am addicted to sports. No, not because I am health-conscious. Participating in sports activities will keep my mind distracted, distracted from the unhappy things of my life. While playing badminton on the court or jogging on the tracks, I have no time to think of those things and perhaps that's the happiest moments of my life - no worries, no pain. Though I know that that's not a way to avoid things and that's only escaping, I have no other choice. It's like taking some drugs (estacy), and you'll have nothing to worry about and you'll feel relax and secured.

Songs - chinese songs in particular. I once said that songs will let memories replay. However, I can't help but keep listening to them. I want to stay in the past, living in the once beautiful memory - though I know that I must move on with life. But the future has forced me to look back, the people, the things, the environment and yes, the memories. My future seems so blur and so uncertain. I have no faith nor courage to face it any longer. What would I be? Who would I meet? What would I do? The answers, I don't have them.

People - you know who you are. I can be stubborn. I can be foolish. But I know my decision is wise. I don't mind banging against the wall for a lifetime. As long as I know that I can't find another like you. Cross my heart.

God - the one whom I am ashamed to face. Hurting Him again and again. Who didn't complain at all about the wounds I've given Him. Yet His grace is always over-flowing, filling my every weakness and recovering my every pain. Who can ever compare to this God of mine? "Lord, I am sorry! Please forgive me and continue to lead me along the path through eternity. Keep me from the evil ones and deliver me from all fears. Take me in and lead me on I pray. In Thy precious name. Amen."